Established in 1893
  • September 25, 2017

Humor

When you watch Star Wars and they say "May the force be with you", you automatically reply "And also with you."

The only good reason to raise your hand during a hymn is to question the organist's re-harmonization of it.

Someone says, "Let us pray" and you automatically hit your knees.

You recognize your rector in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.

You have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II and the first three episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.

You know the difference between a surplice and a cotta—and the appropriate use of each.

Words like: "vouchsafe", "oblation", "supplications", "succor", "bewail", "wherefore", "dost" and "very" (in its archaic sense) are familiar to you even though you don't have a clue what they mean.

You whisper "with God's help" after the bride and groom say in their vows "I will".

You can rattle off without missing a beat such tongue twisters as: ". . . who made thereby his one oblation of himself once offered, a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world" and "Wherefore, O Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here, with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make."

The sight of a woman in a clerical collar doesn't make you cringe.

You think that the Bible is a holy book because it quotes the Book of Common Prayer so well.

While looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you find are four corkscrews.

Your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.

You catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.

You visit another Protestant church, and when you get seated you say, "where are the kneelers?" or, "where is the altar?!"

You can pronounce "innumerable benefits procured unto us by the same."

The word "Sewanee" puts a lump in your throat.

You know the best way to quiet a room full of people is to say to them: "The Lord be with you!"

You ever find yourself saying, "Oh, but we've never done it that way before."

When visiting a Catholic Church, you are the only “Ah-men” among a sea of “A-mens”.

Your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.

You know that a primate isn't just a monkey.

You know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.

You know that Agnus Dei is not a woman.

Your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).

You know how to finish the phrase "and I will raaaaise them up, and I will raaaaise them up...."

You know that the nave is not a playing card.

Your friend said "I'm truly sorry." and you replied, "and you humbly repent?"

You consider a sticker on your car to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.

You know that "humble access" has nothing to do with a security clearance.

While watching the movie The Madness of King George you are able to recite the Collect for Purity with the king when he undergoes surgery.

You know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.

You not only talk about God, but you can talk to Him at any time.

And finally, you reach a point when you're not sure about anything theological but you feel completely at ease at the altar rail, and somehow you know you're meeting God there, even though you can't begin to understand how.

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